7: What’s a Positive Word for Hungover?
Some interesting questions I’ve been posed by the universe (ie my own behavior/the whims of mother nature) for this month’s microrisk:
How does one handle their morning routine that hinges rather heavily on getting up at their first alarm when that someone is hungover?
How does one handle their morning routine that hinges rather heavily on exiting their bed at all when one is legitimately ill?
These may seem similar— depending on your life experience— but my less than friendly voice handled them very differently.
I’ve been pretty sick these past couple days, in that gross way that doesn’t bear speaking of, but also I cannot stop talking about, because it was truly shocking what exited my body from where and in which condition. Suffice it to say I was not following a routine of any kind at that point. Or at least not one that didn’t involve a bathroom. And even though this left me very frustrated with my situation, I wasn’t frustrated with myself.
Me being hungover however was a totally different story. My parents consider being hungover a sickness of choice. We bring it onto ourselves. I’m not arguing that. What I will say is that if you’re safe and responsible, over indulging can be fun and even if you try really hard to hydrate throughout, you can still end up with a hangover (particularly as a member of the 30+ community).
But that very forgiving perspective you just read was nowhere to be found when I woke in this condition. I think we can all guess who was there though. Mean Pants Nance— I’m not totally sold on this name, but without comments I have no way to field ideas so this is kind of all we’ve got for now.
All she could talk about was how irresponsible I was. How typical it was of me to make these kinds of choices.
And just like my parents, in her own way, she was right. I think there’s a line between positive self talk and just doing whatever you want. That line is made up of the language we choose to use to address these things.
I’ve started thinking of it like being in school. Whose class did you do better in, the kind and compassionate teacher or the teacher that pointed and laughed at you for mispronouncing subterfuge even though it was a new vocabulary word?
And, of course, there’s the third option of the long term sub who put on a movie every day as long as you promised to stay in your seats.
Kind teachers motivated me to do well. Not only because I wanted to impress them, but because I wasn’t afraid to try. I knew that as long as I did my best, it would be good enough for them. The things they told me about myself motivated me to keep trying and to do better with each try.
Harsh or mean teachers never got good work from me because I wasn’t motivated to try, Not only because I didn’t like them, but because I felt like there was nothing I could do that would be good enough for them. I knew that my best didn’t matter because I was the problem. The things they told me about myself made me think I couldn’t succeed and didn’t deserve to.
Apathetic teachers that let me get away with anything never got the best work from me because they didn’t expect it. Not only were they uninterested in whether or not I achieved my goals, they didn’t care what the goals were at all. They didn’t take the time to help me understand myself and so I didn’t grow with them at all.
My therapist has always told me we’re all our own mothers. Treat yourself the way you would want a mother to treat you. We’re all our own teachers too. We decide what we learn and how we communicate that knowledge, so speak to yourself the way you would want a teacher to speak to you. The way that will actually benefit you.
So when I was sick, easy to be kind teacher.
When I was hungover, much more mean teacher. But to totally brush off the fact that it was me not thinking things through that caused me to not feel good wouldn’t be kind to myself either. Because that’s being apathetic towards my needs and well being like long term sub guy. Now’s the time for kind teacher to tell you that though this does not change how she thinks of you, she doesn’t think this work is your best. She believes in you enough to know that you can in fact remember to have a glass of water between each drink. This is much more motivating than saying that my poor choices are inevitable because garbage people don’t get to have water, only garbage.
The more positive the self talk, the more positive the outcome.
But in case you don’t just want to take my word for it—-which, very good judgment on your part, my only qualification is having a therapist— here’s a link to a study done by the National Institute of Health (NIH) about this very thing https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8295361/
I know this makes like 80%, or maybe even 100%, of these posts being about positive self talk, but that really is the core of the battle I’m fighting here so let’s hope I get this shit figured out soon so we can talk about something else. That was positive right? So maybe not soon soon.
This is starting to get a little long, so just want to say for anyone that’s wondering, getting dressed and doing make up to start the day truly works wonders on my productivity and this week I will be adding (now that my insides have stopped falling out) working out to my morning routine. Like doing a one minute plank kind of working out, but still!
I am signing off with purpose and intention!
